H is for Hummus

As per reader request… H is for Hummus. I was intrigued by this challenge of suggested writing topics. This was especially true of hummus as I had never actually tried hummus before. I thought this might be a challenge since I would have to go somewhere to buy some or try to make it myself. As it turned out, I was invited to a dinner party where hummus was served as an appetizer. I am very fortunate to have a boss who is Greek and loves to have guests and make ridiculously good food. The hummus was ridiculously garlicy and was served with pita bread. With Ali in mind, I dove right in. To my surprise, the hummus was actually quite tasty. I might even try it again sometime. Probably won’t make it, but if someone else does, I won’t avoid it like I have in the past.

Thank you for your suggestion and challenging me to expand my horizons.

G is for Great

Do you want to know why G is for Great? It is because I wrote a freaking Great poem in my last post. I put quite a bit of time into it and like it a little more every time I read it. If you haven’t read it, you should right now. If you have, you should re-read it and enjoy its awesomeness.

Why else is G for Great? Because I think it is great how ridiculous people can be sometimes. There are some out there that take everything they do so seriously that it becomes funny. Of course I have an example to back this up…

A few days a go I received a subpoena at work requesting information for a workers comp claim. I have never directly received a subpoena, so I read the whole thing over to fully understand exactly what was needed. Reading legal language can be surprising challenging. I think they write in a specific way to make people so confused that they give up on trying to understand the document and just sign.

So I start reading though the main page wish starts in Latin at the top “Subpoena Duces Tecum.” I figured the lawyers are just trying to sound smart by using other languages, but literally translated means “bring with you under penalty of punishment.” Clearly they don’t want to just write that at the top, so they use the Latin. Either way, you can tell this document is meant to intimidate you to get something done. There isn’t a lot more to the document, just names, addresses, and such followed by “YOU ARE HERBY REQUIRED” in all caps to provide some information. Here is where it gets good. Many letters have the body of the letter followed by a closing or sign-off like “sincerely, john.” The writers of this subpoena went with the closing of “fail not at your peril.”

I looked at that, was a little shocked, and then nearly fell at of my chair laughing. This is a great example of taking things a bit too seriously. Apparently they felt that this request for information was so important that it required a threat or curse of some kind. I shared this humorous line with some of my co-workers, and asked around to get the data as soon as possible since I was concerned that I would meet my peril. I don’t know if my failure meant that someone was going to come looking for me to mess me up, or the brakes of my car were going to mysteriously go out while I was on the highway. Either way I didn’t want to find out.

Admittedly, there may be some use for this statement in daily life. Perhaps if I start using it in conversation, things will get done faster. I could write an email: Mark, please send me the total sales figures for last month. Fail not at your peril. –Zack. I have a feeling I would be getting those sales figures pretty quickly. Maybe in a text: Hey Justin, do you want to hang out tonight? Fail not at your peril. Something tells me that Justin’s schedule would clear right up.

Honestly though, what are these people thinking?

Thanks for reading.

Far From Flying

Are you a little surprised and excited that I was able to jam 3 words that start with F into this post? You really should be.

I’m sorry I have to do this, but I have decided to “Keith-out” in this blog post and write a poem (that’s right my friend, I just used your name as a verb). I wrote this out pretty quickly, but then spent some time to make it rhyme. I fear that compromised the integrity of the poem and my point by doing this, but there is a strong flawed part of me that thinks all poems should rhyme. Well here we go, I hope you enjoy.


On long summer days stuck at work
I am often lost in reflection
Not on projects or politics or finances
But on the life moving past my vision

There are busy bees moving between buildings
Delivering a message or going to a meeting
They seem too determined for something so trivial
I wonder if they ever consider their meaning

They file into the parking lot at the stroke of 8
Their reliability no one denies
Many park quickly and scurry off
But some take more than 3 tries

I assume they are just bad drivers
Trying so dearly to get in the lines
But perhaps they are greatly concerned
On perfection regardless of time

I find this an interesting judge of character
And presume this is how they live their lives
I think it a waste of time, but how can I judge
I’m just sitting here watching them drive

I shake the thoughts and go back to work
After all I’m not paid to stare
But then I think of living differently
Like my meticulous friends out there

To take the time to do things right
Would instill in me more passion
I could be a better worker / lover / father
For caring more is just good fashion

Coming to work I listen to the news
And hear about all the terrible topics
I take fleeting interest, but soon forget
Lock the doors and drop the keys in my pocket

I think passion would make me better at life
But would I care more about mankind
There is likely nothing I could do to help
I fear stress and worry is all I would find

My mind defaults to what all men think
What if I were a super hero
Passion of course would come naturally
As I fight to drive crime down to zero

I would be strong, fast, and daring
And you know I am able to fly
I would be adored by all across the globe
The glory would be such a high

But is this responsibility too much pressure
Would life really be that great
I’d feel the weight of every failure
And hate every time I needed a break

Perhaps I am being foolish
Of course flying would be sublime
I dream about flight for a few more minutes
Then try to get back to my daily grind

Those people outside are doing what they should
And I should do the same
Isn’t that what life is all about
Follow the rules so no one can blame

The busy bees go where they are told
Bad drivers scare us all
Reporters deliver terrible news
And perfectionists are on the ball

I know I will never be a superhero
It’s my design, there’s no sense lying
I focus back on my computer and accept
That I am far from flying

E is for Engine

…and W is for Without. Bad news on my car people. It is missing a critical component.


A little belt snapped, and everything went downhill. The value of my car… my savings. YIKES. After much debate over scrapping the car or fixing it and arguing with the dealership I got it from, I have decided to keep it alive and fix it. So I had to purchase a new engine and the garage is putting it back in as I type.

It is quite a shame, but I guess that is life.

That is all.

Danger

Have you ever daydreamed about living life a completely different way than you are right now? That question is ridiculously rhetorical as I suspect everyone does from time to time. The sad sinful wordly part of me occasionally wishes I could just be bad. I don’t want to always be bad, just spend a night or a weekend throwing caution to the wind and acting on every impulse.

There is one characteristic that a portion of me wishes I could possess. It isn’t always a bad thing, but can be, that characteristic is of course: dangerous. If I could live life over again, I think I would be a little more dangerous. I know I could probably change now, but most likely will not. In fact, I am tremendously far from dangerous. I am G rated, I am cautious, I am responsible… I am the battle equivalent of a Nerf gun.

Think about most of the famous men through history or even in movies. They are passionate, charismatic, confident, but I also think they are dangerous. Sure dangerous could be a bad thing when you consider someone to be reckless or unstable, but most often, having an appropriate amount of danger in a man’s personality is desirable. It is the danger that makes them exciting, that shows their strength, that makes them protective. It is the danger that makes a guy a man.

Part of me thinks a man that is dangerous is a man I wouldn’t want to mess with because he is willing take whatever action necessary to protect himself and those around him, but that isn’t always the case. I man can be passive and dangerous. I would say Gandhi was dangerous. He was strong willed and a threat to those in power. Civil disobedience certainly requires a significant amount of risk. I also think a man of integrity is a dangerous man. He is willing to stand for what he knows to be right and honorable regardless of consequence.

I think my life is a little too fluffy. The risks are managed too much. That is why I like to do some crazy things from time to time such as building a cannon. Danger is certainly something I hope to instill in Wes as he grows up. If he is the right amount of dangerous when he grows up, then I would have done my job as a father. In fact, adventure is by far the most exciting thing I look forward to in having a son. I can’t wait to take him out into the woods, down a river, or up a mountain. I want him to step into the batter’s box and not be afraid of getting hit by the ball. I want him to skate as hard as he can into the corner for a puck without worrying about the size of his opponent skating against him. I want his team mates to think he is crazy and put him out there for that very reason. I want the other team to be afraid when he is out there, to move back toward the fence, or have to double cover him. I want poker players to be afraid to sit to his right. Ok, so these are things I want for myself, but don’t know if I will achieve them. I do want to be dangerous. Now I just need to figure out how to implement that plan.

Thank you for reading.

Covering the C’s

I’ve been thinking all week about what to post for C post. A number of things have popped in my head, but nothing specifically worth a full post. This will therefore be a Combination of Cuneiform Collectively Covering C’s.

C is for Challenge

Work around our office can at times be hard and stressful, but many other times are just exciting and fun. It is fun in examples such as yesterday when my boss made a minor joke about an Excel model being a little weird because the newly hired employee who sent it out was Canadian. My immediate response was “wait… he’s Canadian!? And we hired him!?” She just about fell out of her chair laughing, and then called him to make fun of his Canadian descent. It gets exciting when the CFO is around asking for odd analyses out of the blue with very quick deadlines. 2 days ago, I went into my boss’s office for a video conference with the CFO to discuss a topic. I brought my computer as a resource, and before we got into that topic, the CFO asked if I knew the other reason I was on the conference. He wanted an analysis done comparing the results of 2 different Excel models and my boss had previously assured him that I could rattle that out in under 10 mins. He looked at me and said “it is 9:21, you have until 9:30. Go.” I looked at my boss and asked if I should go back to my office or stick around. She thought I should just stay there and rattle through it and be there for the beginning of the discussion of the primary topic. I started working like a mad man, and though the task was not overly challenging, it is tough to do it in that time frame and check for accuracy before sending it off. At 9:30, the CFO stopped the conversation and said “time’s up.” I replied “it is in your inbox.” Good challenge, good fun.

C is for Chicken

Have you ever purchased food from the hot meal counter near the deli at a Wal-Mart? If you haven’t, you should make a special trip, right now. They have some roasted chicken, miscellaneous potato choices, popcorn chicken, and wings. All of these items are pretty good, but fail miserably in comparison to the boneless BBQ chicken kickers. These little guys are an absolute delight. I discovered them in college with my roommates when they could be purchased for 4.50 a pound, though the price is now up to 7.00 per pound, it is still completely worth it. You only need just over a half pound and they are complimented well by a quarter pound of potato wedges. You seriously must give these a try, and more than once because they taste better each time you get them as long as they haven’t been sitting out for too long. Despite the fact that it is a 20 min drive to the closest Wal-Mart, I still blow a full lunch break almost once a week to drive out there and get these delectable treats. I even pass a chick-fil-a on the way. Yes they are that good, and are a pretty quality piece of chicken I might add. The potato wedges aren’t nearly as good as chick-fil-a waffle fries, but are none the less very decent. Go get some right now.

C is for Cannibalism is the Cure

I’ve had this song stuck in my head all day by Get Set Go. If you have never heard of Get Set Go, I don’t necessarily recommend them. At times they can be rather vulgar and even blasphemous, but their music is very catchy and fun. They have some wonderful melodies and song arrangements, almost all of which are very bouncy and fun, but set to dismal lyrics. That is basically their trademark. One of their more popular songs you may have heard of is I Hate Everyone which of course fun and catchy, but singing about bad or annoying situations leading the singer to the conclusion that he hates every person in the world. Cannibalism is the Cure of course suggests that the way to cure the problems in our society would be to “eat them all.” If you are bold enough to go out and listen to some of their songs, I also recommend Gotta Getta Job.

Thank you for reading.

B is for Brown

I have decided after my last post to make my way through the alphabet with titles. I know I am stealing that idea from Sue Grafton books (no I do not read Sue Grafton books), but I think that may inspire me to write about some odd topics.

I went with B is for Brown because that is the only color surface my ball hit when playing golf this past week. The fairways were narrow, and woods were mighty; at least they were mighty before I nearly cracked them in half with my crazed shots. I have also been paying some more Tiger Woods golf which just gets to be more and more awesome. Here is the gist of it: I am almost ready to take on Tiger Woods, but don’t stand a chance against Liz’s family. I played 18 holes on the Wii 8 under par, but Liz’s Uncle Gary and I shot a sad 24 over. The family tournament at Running Deer Lodge went well. I played a decent game, but never really found my swing. We finished 2 over par in the wet conditions which landed us 5th out of 17 teams. I thought my game might come back together, so I went out with Liz’s family. I thought for a moment that they would never invite me back to play, but I was later assured they would gladly have me out again to play for money. It was ugly, but the weather was absolutely beautiful and the fun was outstanding. I will save you details since well over 50% of my readership is Liz’s family, but I will say I nearly fell out of the cart on many occasions from laughter, crazy driving, and pranking the other team.

I am sadly back to work now after 5 days off. I only had to work a half day yesterday, but it went by so slowly. I was only in for like 40 minutes and started checking the clock to see how close I was to going home. Today has been a bit better, but it is tough to sit in an office on such a beautiful day knowing most of Liz’s family is still enjoying their vacation. I am actually starting to think about going back to Beaverdale for the weekend, but I’m going to hold out and hope to be enticed to come back by promises of tennis and sausage and peppers.

I suppose I should get back to work.

Thanks for reading.