G is for Great

Do you want to know why G is for Great? It is because I wrote a freaking Great poem in my last post. I put quite a bit of time into it and like it a little more every time I read it. If you haven’t read it, you should right now. If you have, you should re-read it and enjoy its awesomeness.

Why else is G for Great? Because I think it is great how ridiculous people can be sometimes. There are some out there that take everything they do so seriously that it becomes funny. Of course I have an example to back this up…

A few days a go I received a subpoena at work requesting information for a workers comp claim. I have never directly received a subpoena, so I read the whole thing over to fully understand exactly what was needed. Reading legal language can be surprising challenging. I think they write in a specific way to make people so confused that they give up on trying to understand the document and just sign.

So I start reading though the main page wish starts in Latin at the top “Subpoena Duces Tecum.” I figured the lawyers are just trying to sound smart by using other languages, but literally translated means “bring with you under penalty of punishment.” Clearly they don’t want to just write that at the top, so they use the Latin. Either way, you can tell this document is meant to intimidate you to get something done. There isn’t a lot more to the document, just names, addresses, and such followed by “YOU ARE HERBY REQUIRED” in all caps to provide some information. Here is where it gets good. Many letters have the body of the letter followed by a closing or sign-off like “sincerely, john.” The writers of this subpoena went with the closing of “fail not at your peril.”

I looked at that, was a little shocked, and then nearly fell at of my chair laughing. This is a great example of taking things a bit too seriously. Apparently they felt that this request for information was so important that it required a threat or curse of some kind. I shared this humorous line with some of my co-workers, and asked around to get the data as soon as possible since I was concerned that I would meet my peril. I don’t know if my failure meant that someone was going to come looking for me to mess me up, or the brakes of my car were going to mysteriously go out while I was on the highway. Either way I didn’t want to find out.

Admittedly, there may be some use for this statement in daily life. Perhaps if I start using it in conversation, things will get done faster. I could write an email: Mark, please send me the total sales figures for last month. Fail not at your peril. –Zack. I have a feeling I would be getting those sales figures pretty quickly. Maybe in a text: Hey Justin, do you want to hang out tonight? Fail not at your peril. Something tells me that Justin’s schedule would clear right up.

Honestly though, what are these people thinking?

Thanks for reading.

Far From Flying

Are you a little surprised and excited that I was able to jam 3 words that start with F into this post? You really should be.

I’m sorry I have to do this, but I have decided to “Keith-out” in this blog post and write a poem (that’s right my friend, I just used your name as a verb). I wrote this out pretty quickly, but then spent some time to make it rhyme. I fear that compromised the integrity of the poem and my point by doing this, but there is a strong flawed part of me that thinks all poems should rhyme. Well here we go, I hope you enjoy.


On long summer days stuck at work
I am often lost in reflection
Not on projects or politics or finances
But on the life moving past my vision

There are busy bees moving between buildings
Delivering a message or going to a meeting
They seem too determined for something so trivial
I wonder if they ever consider their meaning

They file into the parking lot at the stroke of 8
Their reliability no one denies
Many park quickly and scurry off
But some take more than 3 tries

I assume they are just bad drivers
Trying so dearly to get in the lines
But perhaps they are greatly concerned
On perfection regardless of time

I find this an interesting judge of character
And presume this is how they live their lives
I think it a waste of time, but how can I judge
I’m just sitting here watching them drive

I shake the thoughts and go back to work
After all I’m not paid to stare
But then I think of living differently
Like my meticulous friends out there

To take the time to do things right
Would instill in me more passion
I could be a better worker / lover / father
For caring more is just good fashion

Coming to work I listen to the news
And hear about all the terrible topics
I take fleeting interest, but soon forget
Lock the doors and drop the keys in my pocket

I think passion would make me better at life
But would I care more about mankind
There is likely nothing I could do to help
I fear stress and worry is all I would find

My mind defaults to what all men think
What if I were a super hero
Passion of course would come naturally
As I fight to drive crime down to zero

I would be strong, fast, and daring
And you know I am able to fly
I would be adored by all across the globe
The glory would be such a high

But is this responsibility too much pressure
Would life really be that great
I’d feel the weight of every failure
And hate every time I needed a break

Perhaps I am being foolish
Of course flying would be sublime
I dream about flight for a few more minutes
Then try to get back to my daily grind

Those people outside are doing what they should
And I should do the same
Isn’t that what life is all about
Follow the rules so no one can blame

The busy bees go where they are told
Bad drivers scare us all
Reporters deliver terrible news
And perfectionists are on the ball

I know I will never be a superhero
It’s my design, there’s no sense lying
I focus back on my computer and accept
That I am far from flying

E is for Engine

…and W is for Without. Bad news on my car people. It is missing a critical component.


A little belt snapped, and everything went downhill. The value of my car… my savings. YIKES. After much debate over scrapping the car or fixing it and arguing with the dealership I got it from, I have decided to keep it alive and fix it. So I had to purchase a new engine and the garage is putting it back in as I type.

It is quite a shame, but I guess that is life.

That is all.