Regain Consciousness

The past two weeks have been fairly uneventful and left me with little to talk about, however Liz insists that I make posts, so I’ll see what I can do.

I was going to make a post at the end of last week when I was close to mental breakdown, but I spent about an hour of my work day thinking about what to title it, so I decided not to write at all. I must say that life is going fairly well lately. I am surviving as smooth as ever, but it got to me last week. My job disdain sometimes takes me to nearly epic lethargy. The best part of my day is getting home for work, I know I have to whole evening ahead of me and can forget about work. If I have nothing planned, or I’m too tired to do anything, I just sit around and get grumpy. As time passes by I realize it is getting closer to bed time which means that I am getting too close to having to wake up and go back to work. Sometimes I get so tired, but don’t want to go to bed because it simply means I have given up on that day and would rather sleep and go to work. I stay up too late for the only reason of trying to postpone work. Last week I had one of these nights and woke up so tired that I just didn’t care at all to go to work. I didn’t care about my job and certainly not the projects I was involved in. I slept in much too late, but didn’t rush to make up for it. I moved as slowly as I could because I was so lethargic. This of course was annoying to Liz because though she also dislikes her job, she at least makes an effort to be on time. She was annoyed and I was lethargic, and there was no happiness in the Bogaczyk household.

Liz had to leave a few minutes early that day, so I said bye to her and just sat down on the couch and starred at the wall for nearly 20 minutes. Since I was already late for work, I figured I should try to do something productive, so I read a few pages of a book that I’ve been reading. I strolled into work about 45 mins late, did very little in the morning and took over a 1.5 hour lunch break. To be honest, I could have been fired that day and didn’t care. However, what may be even worse, no one noticed at all.

I am dull + I am not noticeable + I am bored + I don’t care + I am surprisingly overweight = I am surviving life... Barely.

THIS IS NOT ME!

Relient K has a song on their MMHMM album titled “Who I Am Hates Who I’ve Been.” This is a simple song about repenting of past misdeeds and declaring to never become that way again. I wish I were in that state, however I am plagued by a much more complex issue: Who I’ve BEEN Hates Who I AM.

I’m not completely sure what has happened in my life to bring me to this state. It certainly isn’t married life because Liz is just about the only stable thing that brings me a breath of life. I survive the rest of my time when I’m not with her and try my best to not have the survival mentality overflow into my time with her, but I normally fail at that. I am mostly convinced that it is my job, but it is probably something deeper than that. Liz had an epiphany a couple weeks ago and told me that my relationship with Christ has declined severely and that separation may be causing me to feel this way. Since then I am glad to say that God has blessed me with consistent daily devotionals. I am joyful for that time and it helps a bit, but it still didn’t hit the nail on the head. I thought I would feel better if I got back in shape. I’ve been running at least 4 times a week for the past 2 months and the only difference is that I have physical pain on top of my mental anguish.

I am at a loss. I’m not sure what to do to get back to the guy I used to be. I miss me, I can tell others miss me, and I know Liz misses me too. I hope that it is my job sucking life out of me. I did just apply for a few new positions that I would be enormously happy to get. My greatest worry is that I get one of those jobs and I still feel like I am only surviving life. Then I will really feel lost. Either way, I need to change something that will hopefully solve the problem and help me to regain consciousness.

Football… ness

I have been in need of a new post the last few days, and as it seems this is the time of year to make posts related to football, I figured I would do that. Keith has some sort of goofy Eagles fan and Sean has pictures from a Steelers game including a sweet picture of him and Troy Aikman, so yesterday I decided to post of picture of me at a football game. Making the mistake of thinking I had any kind of photo editing skills, I tried to add a picture of me into a football huddle where I would make some funny remark about an invitation to join them on the field. It turned out horribly bad. Seriously, I would have stood a better chance of running naked into a NFL game and taking a snap shot with the players than actually making it seem that I was in any way a part of the picture. By the end of work yesterday, I gave up. Since I have no pictures to add, you only get a simple text. Go my favorite football team!! Beat the other teams…. Soundly!

To completely change subjects, last weekend Liz and I went to the PA Renaissance Faire. It was very good, and I highly recommend anyone reading this to attend. There are only 2 weeks left of the faire, so get to it. Go this weekend, you won’t be disappointed! I have absolutely gained a greater appreciation for the faire than the last time I went. The actors did a good job of keeping character through the entire day. There are a number of good shows to watch, bands playing, good food, and a lot of the shop keepers stay in character also. You really have a sense of walking into another world, and all of the employees do a great job of loosening up the crowd to make them feel comfortable to talk like them, cheer, and maybe even dance a little bit. I also really appreciate a place in today’s society where people are allowed to speak mostly the way the want to, carry around weapons to fit into character, and enjoy beer and wine. It seems like it would be a security nightmare, but everyone was just having a lot of fun, and no one was rude or out of control. Since the faire is winding down for the year, the actors are really comfortable working with each other, so they put on a good show and also joke around with each other a lot to get the other to break character, which leads to some really funny moments. If you are looking for something to do the next few weeks, get to the Ren Faire, you will be glad you did.

Thanks for reading. God save ye!

Gibberish

I am in the mood to write a post, but do not know what to write about. I shall therefore write about a variety of random topics that will probably amount to very little.

First of all, I had a great time hanging out with Keith, Tobin, Pat, and Alex last weekend in West Chester. We didn’t have set plans for the weekend which caused a lot of time of sitting around with the wonderfully deep discussion of “what do you want to do,” but it was still fun. Keith and I ended up finding some enjoyable activities. We even played some tennis which was good exercise and competition. I also got to spend Saturday night and Sunday with an old college friend, James Kipp. He is a good kid, that one, and it was nice to catch up. We got some dinner, I tried to set him up with our waitress, we hit some golf balls, went to church together (which I really enjoyed their service), and watched The 300 while having some pizza and our memorable college snack of Doritos and Jalapeño Cheddar Dip.

Work this week has been mostly unproductive. I’ve done a lot less than I could have. I am simply unmotivated and apathetic toward my work. I don’t care to go in the morning and I’m normally a bit late, I take long lunches and only sometimes make up for that lost time. I don’t know what to do to get motivated and take pride in my work. It might help to have some more deadlines, but my work is very open ended at the moment.

Outside of work, this week has been busy. It was Liz’s birthday on Thursday so we had a family birthday celebration on Tuesday and had a crazy day on Thursday to give her a gift, play a hockey game, go out to dinner, shop a little bit, and watch The Office. Because of all this, I am very tired and less motivated to do work today, but it was all worth it. I had a great time and I think Liz enjoyed her birthday. I decided to get Liz a bicycle that is a hybrid on/off road bike. I miss the days when I was in good biking shape and rode around everywhere. I hope we can ride a little bit this fall, and maybe get back to solid biking next year.

Side note, I want to be funny in my blog. I need to figure out things to write about or ways to write things that will make the reader laugh. If I don’t do that, these posts are going to get pretty boring talking about my life and all. If I have some thought provoking discussions, insights into my mind and life, and humor, then I will simply have “all things that are good.” Perhaps even inspire the reader to drink some Bailey’s. It is smooth, creamy, beige.

Lastly, I’ve been giving some more thought to this whole Sabbath thing. I’ve been reading scripture and online articles and Liz and I had a bible study on it. Here are my thoughts. God intended the Sabbath to be set apart for himself, as a day of physical rest, but more importantly a day that man sets aside to focus on the Lord. Our thoughts, conversations, and actions on that day should be pointed to God and not to ourselves, which is actually quite challenging when you really think about it. God also intended the Sabbath to be a specific day, so man can not set his own Sabbath on whatever day is convenient for his self. Man should not work on that specific day unless it is necessary or they are working for the church. It is therefore my opinion that Priests work on the Sabbath as called by God to do so. They can certainly set a separate day in the week for physical rest as anyone can, but that day is not their Sabbath because God intended it for a specific day. It is also my opinion that professional athletes who play on the Sabbath are sinning in doing so. I know that is hard, but it is truth. Christ told us that we have to turn from our sinful ways and leave friends, family, and jobs if need be, to follow him. Christian professional athletes are justifying sin for the good of their careers, and I don’t think there is any way to deny that. My only remaining question about the Sabbath is whether it is on Saturday or Sunday. The Old Testament is clear about it being on Saturday, and I don’t see where in the New Testament it changes. I know Christ rose on Sunday, and some people in the early church worshipped on Sunday, but I think they also worshipped on Saturday because it is still the Sabbath. What are your thoughts? Hit me with them? I wanted to be blunt in this statement, so feel free to be blunt right back and tell me that I am mistaken.

Thanks for reading.