Arrgh! Hear The Man-Cries of Zackery

Upon this Christmas past, I have acquired through gracious gift by the ones who bore me, a possession of such great magnitude that it will take me much more than one full sentence to introduce. This gargantuan item is so magnificent that I would venture to say it has expanded my manhood by a great multiple. In fact, this item has induced such levels of testosterone that I ensure you the very hairs upon my chest have grown to a richness known only to the likes of David Hasselhoff and others of his enormity.

Yes ladies and gentleman. I have obtained…. A Man’s Grill!

I have at last ventured away from my pubescent state of before, and shot forward in a blaze of glory to manhood. I must warn you before scrolling down to feast your eyes upon this object of splendor that you should back away from your computer screen, as the picture may educe salivation or possibly even seizures.

You must also know that this picture does not fully do it justice. For this grill stands taller than a man. It has 4 glorious tube burners heating below a field of porcelain coated cast iron grates. It has such depth that it could surely cook a slain wild boar whole. It is accompanied by a side burner, table, drink shelf, and even a bottle opener. This puppy can burn at 40,000 BTUs and will straight up kick you in the crotch with awesomeness.

So at last, here it is.

Drink in its majesty.

I have been required on more than one occasion since its installation to call the authorities to clear out the crowd of people that have gathered to kneel before it and lay herbs and spices at its legs. If you feel the driving need to come and visit it to experience its magnificence, then please, come. You are all invited to revel in its grilled goodness.