P is for Pompous

Do you have conversations from deep in your past that you wish you could go back and change? Sure people have regrets and wish they could do things differently in retrospect, but I’m talking about something a little different. Just a brief conversation where your words got away from you, and though you realize it soon afterward, it is too late to bring it up again and apologize to that person. This happens occasionally to me, but normally after a couple days I forget about it. However, there are a few of these moments that have stayed with me for significant periods of time. I have decided my blog is a good forum to at last apologize and hopefully move on.

Item 1: Bowling manager Kevin.

This is just so silly, but when I was 15ish I walked into the bowling alley wearing a Colorado Avalanche jersey. Kevin made a simple joke exclaiming “Avalanche! Man, I used to like you.” I had to come back with something, and though I should have pursued something about the strength of my team or the weakness of his, I blurted out “well I never liked you!” He was on his way out the door and paused for a moment at the peculiarity of my response, and then continued on his way. He probably forgot about it 2 mins later, but I felt like a jerk. It was a crappy joke that was borderline mean. Kevin, I’m sorry for my stupid response. You were an alright guy and my statement was untrue.

Item 2: Keith

You read by blog which makes this a little more personal than the last item. There is very little chance of this ever coming up in conversation, so this is a good opportunity. When we had our last young life bible study (campaigners) of senior year, we took some time for everyone in the room to say some good things about the graduating seniors. When it came around to your turn, I was struggling to come up with the right thing to say on the spot in a group setting. There are a multitude of things that I appreciate about our friendship, and much more importantly, about you as a person. I failed to say anything along those lines, but instead said some crap about my appreciation for how much you cared for me and being instrumental in me becoming a Christian.

Not only did I make your moment about me, I also accidentally insinuated that the thing I appreciated most about you was how you cared for me. How terrible is that? I’m sorry buddy. Furthermore, I often joke about how much I look forward to the wedding that you will someday have. Planning your bachelor party, giving a speech, etc. First, I shouldn’t put that kind of pressure on you. Though it would be an incredible honor to be your best man, you have brothers and many other close people in your life. I am saying this to you now to avoid an awkwardly bad moment whenever you announce your engagement. Second, every time I make one of these jokes, I always secretly think about that moment at our last bible study. I think to myself “he would never want me to give a speech about him. He saw the train wreck that ensued the last time I tried to talk about him in front of a group.”

Item 3: Aunt Linda

This one is a little more recent. A couple months ago, Liz’s family was gathered for an event (don’t remember which one). The Gibson’s brought their newly acquired Rock Band for the family to enjoy. We all had a wonderful time, and I must say, I was quite impressed with some of the playing and vocal talent. Especially Aaron singing “Roxanne” on expert. I didn’t think he could pull it off, but was pleasantly surprised. Well done dude. Some time after we finished playing and were getting some refreshments, Aunt Linda kindly complemented my singing ability. The appropriate and reasonable response to someone complementing you is of course “thank you.” Perhaps even a “how nice of you to notice.” Either way, accept the complement and move on. I chose a much different and horrible approach. Despite human decency, I used her complement to segue into a list of my notable musical achievements. You can just picture the terrible situation.

Aunt Linda: “Zack, you have a very nice signing voice, I enjoyed listening to you”
Me in an overly obnoxious voice: “oh you didn’t know I was a good singer? Why when I was in high school, bla bla bla bla bla. Then in college I blobbity bla and even bla bla bla…. Me, myself, and I bla bla bla…. Meeeeee!

That’s right, I was a “Me Monster.” What a pompous douche! I can’t believe I did that. When I realized the horribleness of my response later that evening, it was too late. I can only imagine the thoughts she and the other people at the table had after I left. I would in no way be surprised if my stupidity in that moment altered her family’s viewpoint of me. Aunt Linda, I apologize for my foolishness. I hope you don’t think less of me.

I am certain there are more cases such as this that didn’t come to mind while typing this post. To all: I am sorry for the dumb things I have said in the past. As you can tell from the above items, I am not an eloquent speaker. I hope that you will forgive me and we can move forward with sound relationships.

Thank you for reading.